I started tutoring this semester, working with the junior nursing students in three of the courses I did well in last year. In the beginning, I hated it. I’d feel nauseous, every time I went off to lead a study session. The idea of teaching groups of my peers made me want to be sick. I got excited on the days when no one showed up to my sessions. God, obviously, did not intend for me to be a teacher.
Now, a little over two months into the semester, something has changed. I look forward to running my study sessions, and interacting with the juniors. I walk back to my townhouse afterward feeling pleased, and happy that I could be an encouragement to them. A far cry, and a huge contrast, to the way I felt before.
The juniors themselves have not changed, nor has the way I run my sessions. It’s my attitude that’s changed, and has made such a huge difference in my mood.
At first, I was convinced I had to be the best.  I had to know everything there was to know about Medical-Surgical and Psychiatric Nursing, and be prepared to answer any question that the juniors asked of me. I had to be able to explain things in a way that the juniors could understand. I had to keep them engaged, and make my sessions interesting. I had to make sure they learned and got stellar marks on their exams, and always left my sessions feeling like they were experts on whatever topics we happened to cover that day.
What crap.
Now my goal is just to be an encouragement. It’s not my responsibility to make sure the juniors learn and pass all their exams - it never was. It’s my job to explain material in the best way I can, and to help them understand concepts. I spend most of my sessions laughing with the juniors, and trying to help them not be so stressed out. I leave feeling happy. I don’t have to be the best, I just have to be.
It’s amazing how much more simple – and enjoyable – everything becomes once you take the filter of perfectionism away.
Thumbs up- (Facebook)
So tell me, how were you able to get from “perfectionist” thinking to the place you are now? Were you able to talk that through w/ someone or did you just finally wear yourself out?
When we attempted to home educate our brood many moons ago, something similiar happened to us. We started out feeling all of this pressure to do the same type of things you described- Although in our case, It took a few years for us to “loosen up” and get in the grove.
A combination of both things, I think. There’s been a whole lot of talking about perfectionism in therapy over the last few years, and I spent last summer living with my pastor (who is, self-admittedly, one of the least perfectionistic people on the face of the planet). I’ve just gotten tired of it, mostly… There’s a ridiculous amount of energy poured into trying to measure up to a standard that’s too high to meet, and it’s just not worth it. There are a ton of other things I’d rather be pouring my energy into right now.
PTL!!!!