I think it’s very interesting that, of all the posts I’ve written, the one that’s received the most views and comments is Ten Reasons Why I Love my Mom. It’s a post that was written on a whim, and in a half-hearted attempt to improve my attitude. I never expected people to reallyread it, let alone comment on it to the extent that people have.
Relationships are funny things, and I think this is especially true of the relationships between mothers and daughters. Over 90% of the time, my mother drives me crazy. She’s my favorite person to complain about, and there are days that she can’t do anything right in my eyes. And yet, I will defend my mother to the death and be angry with you forever if you say anything bad about her… just ask my father’s wife.
A friend of mine is very close to her mother, and I’m a little envious of their relationship. Scarlett views her mom as being her friend, and that’s something I really struggle with understanding. I asked my mother, once, if she thought it was possible for mothers to be friends with their daughters. Her answer was no. In my mother’s eyes, there are very firm limits as to where our relationship can go; I am her daughter, but it’s not possible for me to be her friend. This is sort of discouraging to me, and makes me not want to bother trying.
It’s especially discouraging, I think, because I know it’s not true. Mothers and daughters can be friends with one another. I know, because I’ve seen it happen. I see it in Scarlett’s relationship with her mom. I see it between Susan and Jennifer. I see it between my roommate and her mother. If I have children, someday, I want to see that sort of relationship between my daughters and myself. I’d love to see it between my mom and I… I’m just not sure how to get there, or if it’s even possible because she doesn’t view it as being such.
I think mothers and daughters can become friends, but only when they’re older, especially if/when the daughter becomes a mother herself. It takes years, and work–but you have to have a halfway decent relationship for it to ever happen. I used to be jealous of a friend who had a really close relationship with her daughter when they were younger–it was actually so close that it was smothering, and after the daughter had kids, it deteriorated. They are currently not speaking. So don’t do the comparison thing too much. As they say “Count no man fortunate til he’s dead.”