Anatomy was cancelled this morning. Today is the last day of classes before the college lets us out for Thanksgiving break, and because we all suffered through a massive lab exam yesterday afternoon Dr. LaCelle decided to give us a break and not make us come to class this morning; I’ve decided that the man should be nominated for sainthood because of this. Anyway, this means that Tae Kwon Do was my one and only class of the day; I’ve got to work until 5 o’clock tonight, attend a meeting at church later in the evening, and then I have to go home. I’ve just gotten out of Tae Kwon Do, and am feeling anything but good about myself.
I really struggle with Tae Kwon Do. I’m not the most coordinated person in the world, and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to make my body do what my head wants it to. I get the patterns and the moves confused. Even though my instructor has shown me them countless times, I still cannot see the difference between a turning kick and a side kick. I’m not that strong, or that fast, and I can’t jump nearly as high as everyone else seems to be able to.
I don’t do things unless I am nearly perfect at them. It just doesn’t happen. So to be required to take a class in which I am not the star student is killing me. I cannot stand feeling so awkward and uncoordinated, and looking like I have no idea what I’m doing. Stupid stinking physical education requirements.
Today was not a good day; half the class skipped and went home early for vacation, and so there were only 6 of us… which made me feel like I stood out that much more. It’s crummy to feel this way, and I wish that I just didn’t care so much. I wish I could tell myself that it’s ok; I’m doing my best, this is a new experience and I’m learning a lot. But I cannot make myself believe that. I cannot make myself believe that my best is good enough right now, especially when my best seems to fall so far short of everyone else in the class.
I’m feeling very ugly towards myself right now, and it does not help that I’ve got to leave campus in six hours and thirty four minutes.
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