We’re ‘official’ and it’s approved…

     For the past month or so, I’ve been going on dates with a certain guy.  I haven’t really written about him, because I’m afraid I’ll somehow jinx things if I do.  This weekend, we became ‘official’, and now I think I might be even more worried about screwing things up, so I’ve decided that I’m still not going to write much about him. 

     Well, except for maybe this one blog…   And even this one will be more about Susan and the Adopteds, I think, than him.  Just to be safe…

      He’s amazing.  I’ve never liked anyone like this before, and that frightens me a little bit.  And he likes me too, which maybe frightens me even more… 

     Susan and the Adopteds approve of him, which I love.  On one of the first nights we went out, I’d been babysitting at the Adopteds’ house and  he picked me up there.  To have him stand in the front yard with me and talk to Jen and Rick for a half hour was the neatest thing.  Rick, who sings with him on the church’s worship team, took me aside to tell me that he approves.  Thinking about this afterward, I realized just how much Rick’s approval meant to me.  Susan’s too; her approval probably matters even more so, and she thinks he’s wonderful.  The past two Sundays we’ve been in church, I’ve caught Susan smiling as she’s watched he and I together.  Today, they invited him out to lunch with us after service, without my knowing so.  I love that they did that.

     So… I have a boyfriend.  My pseudo-family seems to think he’s just as wonderful as I do.  And I’m awfully happy right now.

Little Girl

     Priscilla told me something this morning that made me sort of pause; she said that she loved the broken part of me.  She said that there’s a little girl stuck somewhere inside of me that’s very, very broken and needing to be heard, and that that’s the part of me she loves the most. 

    No one’s ever said anything like that to me before, in words or otherwise.  If there is a little girl stuck inside of me, no one’s ever told her that they love her, and that they love her even though she’s broken.  They try to fix her, because she should have it all together and it’s not ok for her to be broken, or they just ignore her and pretend there’s nothing wrong.  Personally, I think I hate her, because she’s too quiet and mousey to speak up and tell me what’s wrong… I can’t fix her if she won’t tell me what’s wrong.

     How do you learn to love a part of yourself that’s keeping you stuck in a place you don’t want to be?